Seeing as it's July and my lectures start September 3, time is ticking perilously close to having to properly start my year abroad. I've applied for my study permit, but I can't bring myself to login and check up on its progress for fear that something terrible might happen - supersition be damned! Now it's just a case of trying desperately to find somewhere to love. You might think, as I did, that as I'm an exchange student, only over for a year, that accomodation in the university residences would be guaranteed. This is the case in Exeter, and it is the case for all the other people I know going on exchange years to North America and Australia; the case everywhere it seems, but with one exception: the University of Ottawa. To be perfectly honest, I'm more than disgruntled that accomodation from the university isn't guaranteed - it's not fair on me and other exchange students like me, it doesn't make sense when its partner exchange universities offer its year-abroading students accomodation and it just makes life that little bit more difficult.
I know there's something in the quest for accomodation that is character building: the independent searching, the need for proactivity and organisation, discernment and good negotiation; but at the same time, I am very keenly feeling the lack of support. The thing is, I'm a wuss, really. I only changed my degree to include study abroad on a whim and as part of an escape from having to live another year with one of my housemates and because I realised the people I love most at university are all doing third year away from Exeter. (So not a completely negative reason to change my degree and increase my debt. And, in all honesty, Ottawa was my first choice from the very beginning, and I have always imagined living abroad in my life.) Right now, I just wish I had everything sorted and under my control. I wish my study permit would arrive; I wish I had somewhere to live; I wish I could book my flights; I wish I could Google search Ottawa churches and have some divine revelation of where to go. Alas, I have a host university which doesn't favour speedy responses and a lot of Brazilian "friends" on Facebook including me in impossible-to-follow messages about housing.
Fingers crossed, eh!
I'm quite conscious that this post has been quite negative thus far, for which I do apologise. The thing is, people like me don't do things like study abroad years! I'm a wuss, I'm frightened of so many things, I have no confidence, I'm shy and awkward in social situations. I like my home comforts and I have an overwhelming fear of failure which prevents me from just going for things. I have so many dreams and yet I have a character which won't reach for them. Well, this year I want to change all that.
I'm going to be accountable to you, reader; I want you to make sure that this blog doesn't become an endless whinge on how scary and difficult the year abroad is but that it's one of "it's really scary, but I did it!"
My biggest hope is that I come back from the year abroad and can boast of everything I tried, irregardless of whether I succeeded at it all! I want to be brave and strong and out-going and totally up for it. I'm not aiming for recklessness - I'm not going to start tight rope walking across Niagara Falls! Resolute, not reckless. I just want to find out what I can be like without a fear of failure.
I reckon I could be great!
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