The One With Protein-Filled Cricket Suckers

Oh Ottawa, you were doing so well with the sun and I'm so proud of you, and I understand why you needed today to relex in your cloudiness. Thank you for still being warm though, it was very much appreciated. I enjoy that in Canada it isn't taboo to talk about the weather; it's just as much of a Canadian sterotype as it is a British one.

I call him Wooly.

Today Jenny took me to the bakery on Rideau Street called Rideau Street Bakery. Nice name, succinct. It's kosher and one I've walked past many times without ever having gone in, safe to say, I will most certianly be going in again! I mean, their interpretation of grilled cheese was interesting, but their onion soup was delicious. We also explored a second-hand bookstore on Rideau Street owned by a British ex-pat from Bournemouth. Canada has destroyed my ear for the British accent. I hear one and it vaguely registers that what I'm hearing isn't Canadian, and I think it sounds kind of familiar, but I can never be sure. So I go for the tactic of speak-in-received-pronunciation and hope they can tell I'm British. It worked today! Then we stormed our history professor's office. I say stormed, we were actually invited to go and pick up our essays. (A+ y'all, essay for it posted before this one).

Twins.

Sometimes Ottawa is full of weird people. Firstly, Jenny and I were confronted by the grumpiest assortment of soliders marching in formation along Laurier Bridge, then there was the weird man in the fantasy shop who offered Jenny a Doctor Who role-playing game. And then there was the crazy lady. The crazy lady had a husky voice and she stopped, stared at me and proceded to yell at me that I was going to hell because I was wearing a low cut dress. In her words, 'Satan is on my chest.' Honey, my breasts are so incredible, they could only be the work of God.

Jenny running away from scary dinosaurs.

The Museum of Nature is in a cathedral-like building with a greenhouse attached. Whereas the Natural History Musuem in London has a giant whale sculpture made of something heavy, Ottawa's dangling whale is inflatable. Which is adorable, and very Canadian. There was a stone wooly mammoth family and stain glass windows, two of my favourite things; there were ugly dinosaurs which bore an uncanny resemblance to my cousin Phoebe; and there was a cute toddler who was genuinely terrified of the t-rex that his parents forced him to pose in front of.

Thermal camera fun.

There were (stuffed) arctic foxes and (stuffed) polar bears; there were (stuffed) beavers and (stuffed) grizzly bears. And some breathtaking photos of the Canadian landscape, that may have been faked. Jenny and I also did hipster photos in the thermal camera and it turns out that whilst my cleavage is hot, my breasts themselves are pretty cool. We also (pretended) to drive our own arctic explorer ship; well. Jenny did, I stayed in the ship's kitchen because I know my place. I also got the world to turn, the pair of us caused an earthquake and we experienced a hurricane.

Windy.

Oh, and it turns out that I look like a grouse...

Uncanny.

In the gift shop, Jenny came across what appeared to me innocent lollipops. In actual fact, they had crickets in them. According to the shop assistant, they only had crickets left because the scorpion ones had all sold out. Yup, the best-seller at the museum gift shop is a scorpion sucker. The sales assistant seemed purterbed by mine and Jenny's revulsion to insects inside confectionary and tried to persuade us of its merits by saying it was a good source of protein. However, I'm pretty sure that any health benefits from cricket protein are somewhat negated by their sugar encasment.

Tempted?

Maybe Jenny and I have just missed out on the most intriguing health food of all time. Or we just realised how gross a cricket filled lollipop is.