The One With The Naked Roommate

Dedicated to my wonderful roommate, Annie; who I have not seen naked in our month of living together. Long may this continue and I hope you feel better soon!



For those of you who read today's title and were hoping for some voyeuristic indulgence, sorrry to disappoint. Go take a cold shower.

Three great people in three great provinces.

I have felt the need to replace certain Exeter haunts with new, Ottawa ones, to varying degrees of success. Boston Tea Party had been replaced by Timothy's owing to their superior ice tea, however, Timothy's has been having brownie problems, ie not having them. Therefore, I have had to retreat to Second Cup which, whilst still not consistent on the brownie front, does do Italian soda with lime, so I'm content. I should also probably get a life. The Ram has been replaced by Father and Son's. The Exeter Posse (still determined to make that work) frequented the pub on Sunday arvo for brunch, to be "greeted" by the most unhappy barman bunny in Canada who slammed down cups of coffee onto our table. We vented our frustration in the tip. How do you like them apples?



Unfortunately, I've not been able to take over the running of Canada full time, owing to these pesky things called classes and an overwhelming amount of work. Sunday was meant to hold an afternoon of productive presentation time with Sam and Lydia, but then Cooper came into the picture. Cooper is Sam's puppy and I want to steal him. He is so cute and so fluffy and I just wanted to sit in Sam's room for ever just cuddling Cooper. Guys, I want a puppy! Now I know what you're thinking, UK friends; I'm afraid of dogs. Well, all I can say is, the two dogs I've met here in Canada are wonderful and not at all frightening. (Probably because they trained their dogs properly).

It transpires that fluffy puppies evoking a quasi-broodiness, makes planning a presentation on the presentation of the Holocaust in A M Klein's 'The Second Scroll' rather tricky. And then the opportunity to play Disney Scene It 2 basically destroys all hope of analysing Klein. It was quite a tense game. Turns out Disney trivia brings out the worst in 20-something undergrads. I took an early lead thanks to some superior knowledge on 'Sleeping Beauty' before being thwarted by some sound bite questions and not knowing the name of the ladybird in 'A Bug's Life.' Furthermore, the presence of some 'Lady and the Tramp' clips just increased my desire, my need, for a puppy. So all in all, we spent many hours at Sam's, but very few of them dedicated to Klein. Oops.

This is where the Newfies live.

uOttawa has gone into a midterm frenzy, although they're laid back Canadians, so it's a muted frenzy. I have four of the pesky things coming up in the next two weeks which means I actually have to do some work, which is a shame. I'd forgotten about the study part of study abroad. You may remember my ranting and raving about how much I hate my Religion and Multiculturalism module. Well, I still hate it. It's dull and the prof doesn't listen to me. Although he did say on Monday that my accent was endearing and that I had a proper British accent. True dat. But then he told a moose joke and moved on without listening to the point I was trying to make which was so frustrating.



You want to hear the moose joke? I don't know, it's one of those that needs to be said aloud. Oh well, if you insist...

A Scotsman is visiting his Canadian friend in Newfoundland and is taken out into the woods to go hunting. Suddenly, a moose hurtles by.

(In a really thick Scottish accent) "What was that?" said the Scotsman.

"A moose!" replied the Newfie.

(In a really thick Scottish accent) "If that's a moose, I'd hate to know how big your rats are."

I did warn you it's an aural joke.

The next class, finally, brought about some actual discussion. (Lecture are dull, I want seminars back!) I basically explained, with a lot of balls, that having multiculturalism legislated is pretty stupid, inherently racist and totally baffling that they're trying to be all open whilst they make their original people apply for an Indian Status Card to prove their blood heritage. I mean, what the actual flip is that about? I then also told them that they didn't have free healthcare, which really goaded them. Canada: charging conscious people for getting into an ambulance isn't free healthcare. But well done on being better than the United States.

Without doubt, the greatest thing about the multiculturalism class, apart from when the class ends, is Christina or as I now call her, my wing woman. A very very gorgeous guy walked into class in full army uniform on Wednesday and sat right in front of me and Christina. We wanted to talk to him/snog him, so Christina threw her pen at him. Shameless, yet effective. He's great. He has a strong handshake and gorgeous eyes. I like him. I've not added him on Facebook or anything...and he's not accepted or anything...

Is it just me, or is it hot in here?

It's hot in here, they've switched the heating on already. Hardy Canadians aren't hardy. 

Canada's terrritories.

Anyway, the Klein presentation went well - Sam, Lydia and I are officially the A Team as we all got a mark somewhere in the As (A+/A/A-) and I got an A. Mega relief. Hoping it will last. Hoping year abroad will cure my crippling fear of failure. The prof said he liked the fact that I speak my mind. Shame he's 60 and married, otherwise he'd make my husband shortlist.

As another sidenote, each of my classes seems to contain at least one vocal (read obnoxious) student in it. In my Aboriginal Studies class, there's a guy who sits at the front, makes loads of comments, and on Wednesday, chose to roller skate into class. Then he fell over. I believe that is what Sikhs refer to as karma. And it is what I call hilarious.

So anyway, who or what is the naked roommate?

Well, on Tuesday evening, the Exeter Posse (will make it stick) went to what we assumed would be an hilarious evening of a New York Time best-selling author recounting lots of funny anecdotes and stories about university life in North America. Said best-selling book is called 'The Naked Roommate.' However, what actually happened was the guy had a new book out about relationships, and preceded to drag several audience members into a forced therapy session. It was kind of awkward. Especially as we were allowed to text him questions and beforehand, the three of us had sent some jokey questions which he then answered with total sincerity.



Can you wear retainers during sex?

Of course you can. It's liberating.

My answer would be, I wouldn't wear retainers during sex, that would be weird. And gross. And certainly not liberating.

The Exeter Posse have sexy feet.

We also sent in a question about why Canadians don't like British exchange students and he then gave us a mini pep talk on how to meet people. We were joking! Yikes! So apart from the fact we didn't get a comedy routine on what happens if you run into your roommate naked, we got cheesy love life advice, about how to love yourself. The problem, is that he used the image of a thong, which isn't great when you hear the word thong and immediately think anal toothpick. His point was that you need to put on your thong, and I either learn to love what hangs out or change it. But I think it was more of a spiritual, emotional thong. Because, until you love yourself, no-one will ever love you. The problem is, I can't really listen to these self-help, embrace life things without wanting to know where God fits in. Like, I could never have counselling or therapy unless it was Christian, just because I'd spend the entire time wanting to know what God says. This is probably why I look back on the whole evening with some cynicism. That and he was just plugging his latest book.

I think the gist is, you can wear retainers during sex and you should wear a thong.

 

God bless the Ridea Centre for this touristy joy!

To be honest, I learnt more from Gabby and Lydia after the show than I did from thong guy, although Gabby and Lydia didn't burst into a song about syphilis which is probably essential for the continuation of our friendship. Gabby and Lydia are great. They're warm and funny and sensitive and honest and it is no bad thing to travel several thousand miles and make some friends who you've spent the past two years living minutes away from. Some people call it fate. I call it God's providence. And I think we'd all call it joy.

Loving life.