The One With Secrets and Sunsets

There's a place in this city that I found on my very first full day in Ottawa. I've never shared this place; not on this blog, not with the friends I've made here. I've kept it as my place, my special, safe, secret place where I retreat to, where I can sit and wonder and be overwhelmed by the beauty of nature. Well, I went there tonight as the sun was setting and stayed as the lights of the city sprung into life and the sky turned from pale to inky - and it was wonderful and breath-taking.

As my time in Ottawa draws to a close, you can expect many introspective and reflective posts on my time here, but right now, I want to tell you a story. 

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The idea to do a year abroad was divinely-inspired, literally. I was sitting in church behind my closest friends in my year who were all doing languages and so would be off to Europe the next year. Plus, I was already finding life with two of my housemates emotionally draining and already the possibility of us living together in third year had been brought up - and that was not what I wanted. Moving to Canada to escape living with two people? Well that's one expensive, extreme way of going about it! But from the point of a year abroad being placed in my head, I couldn't get it out again. 

I rushed home from church that evening, curled up in my chair in the living room alone, with all my housemates upstairs, I searched for study abroad options for theology students. The first place I found: Ottawa. Ottawa was always my first choice. As my depression worsened and worsened and life became unbearable, knowing that I was being offered the chance to escape, to leave the awfulness behind, was my only light in a dark dark world. It sounds melodramatic, but coming to Ottawa was me fleeing suffocation. 

Despite a few nerves, there was nothing I wanted more than to get on that Air Canada flight on August 31. And I knew as soon as I stepped out of the airport into the summer humidity that I was already in love with Ottawa. That love, the security and the excitement of my first week profoundly changed me. I felt my depression evaporate into the backseat. With each new experience, each adventure under-taken, my confidence grew and I blossomed as a person. 

My time in Ottawa is nearly over. But my freedom has only just begun! There is nothing I would change about this year; I've no regrets, I look back on everything with such joy. More importantly, I feel able to look to the future. Yes, not knowing what I want to do with my life is pretty flipping terrifying, but I also know that I don't want to be tied down to anything yet. I want to keep on exploring, keep on pushing myself, keep on finding secret spots in special places, keep on living my rescued life. 

Ottawa hasn't just changed my life, it's saved it.